New year; trying to get a new attitude

It's 10 days into the new year, and I have a bit of an attitude about it. At first, I didn't realize that I had an attitude, but I started to realize it shortly into New Year's Day. Every time someone said, "Happy New Year," I'd just think, "Eh!" And I couldn't return the sentiment.

Yes, I'm the Scrooge of New Years.

But why? I had to dig deep and think about it long and hard.

I finally realized the reason. It's because another has come and gone, and we haven't welcomed another child into our lives. Another year of silence. 365 days of no announcement that we've been chosen.

When we started this journey in 2011, we were so optimistic. We felt that this is what God had planned for us. But now, we have so many questions. Why not us? What is wrong with us? Is our portfolio showing something that is turning birth parents away from us? Is adoption no longer the plan for us? How long do we keep waiting and hoping? How many times should we say, "One more year"?  So many questions that we may never have answers to.

At this point, we ask for prayers to help us have faith and gain understanding of God's plan. We also ask for patience with the process, the wait, each other, and God. We still have a bit of hope, though.

Thank you, Gibbs!

I'm an NCIS fan and just finished watching the episode when Palmer and his wife were going to be parents through adoption. However, after the birth of the baby, the birth mother decided to parent. Palmer and his wife were devastated of course. The talk Gibbs gave to Palmer was really inspiring.

Thanks for the smack, Gibbs! I'm ready to keeping fighting for expanding our family!

Placing your child is not "giving up"

For the longest time, and even today, people referring to adoption as "giving up" a child. Deciding on adoption for your child is far from giving up. This article from American Adoptions, tells how deciding on adoption is not giving up, but choosing a life you imagined for your child. Please take a few minutes to read their article.

The play is coming along nicely!

Yes, I'm in another play. This time it's Cinderella, and I'm the evil stepmother! I'm so loving it! Though I'm the oldest actor, the rest of the cast, who are young college students and many of them have worked together on other plays) have made me feel a part of the team.

The long days are a challenge sometimes as I started my new job on the same day play rehearsals started. Getting to work at 7:30 a.m., working all day followed by rehearsal until 8:00 p.m. makes for some long days. But it's worth it, and it is only for a few more weeks.

As for my new job, I'm enjoying it and starting to settle it. I still have a lot to learn about the project I'm working on, but the team immediately made me feel welcomed and solicited my input on different things. It's also unique in that for the last 10 years, I've been an editor and writer for environmental engineer; now I'm in the technology field.  It's nice to have a challenge again.

And for the adoption front, we finished our re-certification last month, so things have quieted down again. We keep praying and reaching out to people and groups who know about adoption and can give us ideas, encouragement, and suggestions. Chris and I still feel strongly that we will have a young one placed with us, so we haven't lost faith.

Positive Things are Happening

I started my temporary job today in Evans. It's a commute, but the people are really nice. They have put me in charge of getting a farmers market for the city up and running.

I have really dived into acting. I auditioned for Cinderella with Front Range Community College and got the part of the Evil Stepmother. Mwaa haa haa haa! I'm super excited. I also had an audition Saturday for OpenStage Theatre. This was a hard audition because it was my first ever singing audition. Ok, I'll be honest, I was so nervous that my singing was horrible. My chest was so tight that I couldn't get a breath to support my voice. It took me all day to get over it, but Chris was so supportive telling me that it was to be expected being my first time doing a singing audition. However, I guess my monologue was good because I got selected for a callback. Yea! So, that was unexpected and helped ease my humiliation from my sour singing. My callback is on Sunday.

I asked my husband if he thought I was silly for auditioning and acting. He told me that he thought it was great. He is such a great support. I also just got an email from one of the directors from Jubilee Players asking if I would lead the sketch group. This would involve teaching others acting, directing smaller plays, and working on improve. I'm excited about it, but undecided as accepting this  opportunity would mean that I could not be in the next big production. I'll have to pray on this.

My phone interview with a government contracted company went really well, too. In fact, I have my in-person interview with them tomorrow. I have to bring a writing sample and do an editing test tomorrow. I'm trying not be nervous, and just enjoy the experience.

Our home inspection to be re-certified as adoptive parents is on Thursday. We have been waiting for a little over the year now for a placement and keep praying to God that it is His will that we get to adopt and add a little one to our family.

Lost? Ask for help

I've been listening to KLOVE radio consistently since the beginning of January, and I've heard this song by Sidewalk Prophets a quite a few times. The song is titled, "Help Me Find It." I finally started really listening to the words and they really rang true as a prayer to God. I For anyone who is going through a tough time and finding it difficult to pray for direction to God, take a few minutes, listen to this song and use it as a prayer if you find it is appropriate for you.

I thought I would post the lyrics (thanks to azlyrics.com) also.

I don’t know where to go from here
It all used to seem so clear
I’m finding I can’t do this on my own

I don’t know where to go from here
As long as I know that You are near
I’m done fighting
I’m finally letting go

I will trust in You
You’ve never failed before
I will trust in You

[Chorus:]
If there’s a road I should walk
Help me find it
If I need to be still
Give me peace for the moment
Whatever Your will
Whatever Your will
Can you help me find it
Can you help me find it

I’m giving You fear and You give faith
I'm giving you doubt
You give me grace
For every step I’ve never been alone

Even when it hurts, You’ll have Your way
Even in the valley I will say
With every breath
You’ve never let me go

I will wait for You
You’ve never failed before
I will wait for You

[Chorus]

I lift my empty hands (come fill me up again)
Have Your way my King (I give my all to You)
I lift my eyes again (Was blind but now I see)
‘Cause You are all I need

[Chorus]

We all go through tough times, everyone is fighting a battle. All we can do is keep the faith, trust God, and let go.

God bless,
Christel