It's 10 days into the new year, and I have a bit of an attitude about it. At first, I didn't realize that I had an attitude, but I started to realize it shortly into New Year's Day. Every time someone said, "Happy New Year," I'd just think, "Eh!" And I couldn't return the sentiment.
Yes, I'm the Scrooge of New Years.
But why? I had to dig deep and think about it long and hard.
I finally realized the reason. It's because another has come and gone, and we haven't welcomed another child into our lives. Another year of silence. 365 days of no announcement that we've been chosen.
When we started this journey in 2011, we were so optimistic. We felt that this is what God had planned for us. But now, we have so many questions. Why not us? What is wrong with us? Is our portfolio showing something that is turning birth parents away from us? Is adoption no longer the plan for us? How long do we keep waiting and hoping? How many times should we say, "One more year"? So many questions that we may never have answers to.
At this point, we ask for prayers to help us have faith and gain understanding of God's plan. We also ask for patience with the process, the wait, each other, and God. We still have a bit of hope, though.
1 comment:
Hi Cristel,
I understand about January being a tough month. Typically it's a time of reflecting backward for me instead of looking forward. This year I changed direction and began by gratitude for the year past and all the blessings that have come my way and started looking forward.
A pastor once told me that waiting upon God can be challenging, but he knows our hearts. He also suggested moving forward using the gifts we have and not dwelling on what may seem to be "unanswered" prayer. You have many profound gifts, some that you may not view as strengths, that are ready to be used in service. One place I know where you could practice Mommy is your church children's ministry. Not sure if you and your guy have explored this, but if not, why not.
Enjoy 2016!
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