Captain's Log: Stardate 91406.79

Ok, ok. You got me. I'm a Trekkie! No, that's not a bad thing. My favorite chore is to fold laundry and watch a Star Trek series on Netflix. Right now, I am watching Voyager, and I am in season two. As I just finished folding laundry, I'm still in the process of finishing an episode of Voyager, so I decided to write a blog entry while I finish the show. I seem to consistently be in the middle of one Star Trek show or another. For our second wedding anniversary, I made Chris a quilt. Every time I was upstairs cutting or sewing, I watched Stargate: SG-1, which was on Hulu at the time.

So, now that you know that about me, I figured I would write a little more about me. It's been about three months of not working now. While I've kept pretty busy with volunteering, doing things around the house, and job searching, most of my time has been occupied with trying to figure out the next direction of my life. It's been difficult and a bit stressful. I'm trying to put a lot of faith in God knowing that he will lead me, but I some times think that I may be missing a sign He is giving me.

As I contemplate my next steps, I think about all the other steps I've taken in my life that have led me on so many paths. I've taken on the role of quite a few things including:

• A CDC research assistant
• A waitress
• A U.S. Navy Aviation Electronics Technician
• A Naval electronics instructor's aide
• A lifeguard
• An audio repair technician
• An electronics tester and repair technician
• An equipment lease broker
• An account manager and collection agent
• A Petsmart sales clerk and cashier
• A college student
• A financial aide records manager
• A technical editor
• An administrative manager
• A digital photographer teacher's aide
• A newspaper reporter and photographer
• A wedding photographer
• A project assistant
• A doula
• A SharePoint administrator
• A proposal manager
• A software trainer
• An event planner
• A dog handler, groomer, and breeder

I have had quite a few dreams, a few I've actually accomplished, and some I didn't. I remember one of my dreams as an adolescent was to be an astronaut. I think that dream came about after watching Space Camp. I loved that movie and watched it quiet a few times. I even wrote NASA for information on what I needed to do to be an astronaut. Unfortunately, I found out that my eyesight was too bad to be considered.

Then after watching the Shamu show at Sea World in Orlando, I wanted to be a marine biologist so I could become a Killer Whale trainer. Then I realized I had a fear of deep water and because of a perforated ear drum, I would be unable to swim to deeper depths anyway.

Once I started going to college, I decided to major in journalism because I wanted to a photographer for National Geographic. I've since realized that is something I no longer want to do, but I still enjoy photography.

So, now that I am an adult, here I am again at crossroads trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. But one thing I am realizing is that I don't think I will ever stop learning and growing and changing. I enjoy being challenged and mentally stimulated. Maybe that's why I've been so many different things in my life. Maybe I will never settle for one career my whole life. But there are some things that I will be for the rest of my life and will never stop being. These roles bring me immense joy and fill my heart everyday: a daughter, a sister, a wife, and a mother. Thank you, Lord, for giving me these lifelong, fulfilling roles!

A lot has been going on this summer

I can't believe it's been so long since I've posted. I kept thinking about it, but never got around to it.  Well, this summer has been crazy to say the least. Some bad things have happened to us, but some good things have happened, too. One thing we've learned through what we've been through is that our relationship is strong and our faith has continued to strengthen us.

Yes, we had a few moments when we asked, "Why us?" But we tried to not let them last long. We reminded ourselves that we can't change what has happened and dwelling in the past won't change anything. We knew we had to keep moving forward and learn and grow from our recent experiences and continue to love.

During this time, our family and friends have been so supportive and encouraging. We want to thank them so much for their kindness, understanding, and prayers.

Chris is getting settled in the new office, and they are slowly rebuilding their practice after they lost everything in the fire. Their previous landlord is rebuilding the burnt building, so Chris and his partners think they can be back there by April (I think I'm remembering this correctly). Despite the loss, Chris is busier than ever, so we can count our blessings.

I am no longer working, but find I am busier than ever still. Isn't it funny that no matter how much "free" time we have, how quickly it gets filled? I volunteered with the Front Range Exceptional Equestrians (FREE) once a week this summer and fall. This is a therapeutic horse program Colorado State University runs. The program is on a break for a couple of weeks. It was very humbling working with the students and learning how they persevere through everything they endure everyday. Despite their physical and mental disabilities, they are still able to smile and laugh with joy when riding.

I'm also finding time to help my grandma. She's been dealing with a lot of pain from a pinched nerve in her back. It's so difficult to see her in pain and moving so slowly and hunched over. I can see in her eyes how difficult it is for her having to be dependent on others when she has been taking care of others her entire life. With grandpa being gone for about a year and a half now, I sense her loneliness and my heart aches for her grief.

As for the adoption, not much has changed. We are waiting for the phone call saying we've been matched. We did hear that another adoption agency in the state closed, so most of their clients are getting referred to our adoption agency. We also know that they have several mothers they are working with now. Some, our case workers feel the birth mom will parent, which is great! After all, that's what we want; if a birth mom feels she is in position to parent, that's the ultimate goal. But if she would like to place her child with a family, then at least she has that option working with an adoption agency.

We hope all is well with you. If you get a chance, drop us a line and let us know how things are going with you. Until next time... Keep moving forward!

A lot has been happening lately

I know it's been about three weeks since I last posted, and my apologies for those of you who are following us. Thing have been pretty hectic here.

First, Chris got really sick. We thought at first that it was just a cold turned into a sinus infection. But after a trip to Urgent Care and a trip to our doctor's office a few days later, we found he actually had the respiratory flu and pneumonia. Although it was too late for Tamaflu for Chris, the doctor put me and Nick on it as a preventative meaure. Poor Chris was sick for almost two weeks. He is better, but it will take him some time to not be exhausted at the end of the day.

Then work got really busy for me so that I was working several nights from home. My role is changing at work and there are some growing pains with the changes. One of my new responsibilities is being the proposal manager for our office. At the start of these changes, we had a couple of major proposals that required some long hours on my behalf. However, it felt good to be given this higher responsibility and get these accomplished.

So, because of the long hours and flu being in our house, I am now sick. I'm no where near as bad as Chris, but still feeling quite blah!.

Between all this, a few exciting things have happened. Chris got nominated for employee of the year at the hospital. Thursday night was the dinner to recognize the nominees, and Chris was one of 25 people who got employee of the year! I'm so proud of him.

On Monday, we finally hit the "Order" button for our portfolios. We kept reviewing the portfolio over and over, and we were so nervous as this book is basically showing us, our life, and how we will raise a child should we be selected by birth parents. We ordered five of them, as the adoption agency needs four, and we wanted an extra one of us and our family.  They should arrive sometime this week.

On Thursday, we had our final meeting with the adoption agency, and we signed our home study. The home study is done, and we are officially approved to be adoptive parents!!! Yea and whew! What a process, but we are done. Once we turn in our portfolio, we will be available for selection by birth parents. It is so exciting!

So now the hard part... the wait. Unforunately, we have no idea when we will be selected.  Although it will be difficult, one thing we will keep in our minds and hearts is that it is all in God's timing. That being said, there may be extended periods of time when we are not posting anything on the blog or site. One of things that our case workers emphasize is to maintain our normal lifes. Go on vacations, go camping, continue doing the things we normally would. So we will. If we didn't, we would go crazy during the wait.

In the meantime, we ask all our friends and family to continue to pray for patience and hope for us.

We've also updated our "For Birth Parents" link on the site. Here we posted our letter that is in our portfolio.

A Few Good Things for the Week

A few good things happened this week that I just have to proclaim. First, I won an iPad 2 from the cleaning company we use! Woo hoo! I was so excited because I've been wanting a tablet for quite a while. I originally asked for one for Christmas, but had decided that I'd really like a new digital camera (which my wonderful hubby got me). I'm enjoying my tablet and finding all sorts of uses for it!

Second, we found out that Chris got nominated for employee of the year at the hospital! Another woo hoo! I'm so proud of him. I don't think he realizes how great he is at his job and so many people benefit from what he does.  The hospital is hosting an appreciation / award dinner for the nominees later this month, so it's time for me to get a new dress, right? ;)

Third, Chris finished our "Dear Birth Parents" letter for our adoption portfolio. He did an awesome job portraying us so realistically. I was so moved reading it. We will now take a final look at the portfolio and letter, have our caseworkers review it, then submit everything for printing. It feels so good to be finishing these steps toward our adoption.

Fourth, I was given the opportunity this past week to manage the efforts for a $150K proposal effort at work. We turned it in this afternoon on time and I had such a sense of accomplishment being able to fully manage the effort. I felt I gained some trust from some of the engineers as I was even asked to contact subcontractors and get quotes from them for their services on the contract. It felt good to get "Thank yous" from the engineers who were on the proposal team.

I hope you were able to have some good experiences this week. We started a "Good Things" jar. Every time something good happens, we write it down on a slip of paper and put it in the jar. On New Year's eve, we'll go through the slips of paper and remember everything good that happened during the past year. Maybe that's something you can try, too.

Fundraiser and Final Inspection

Whew! The last five days have been a whirlwind of activity!

On Saturday, we hosted a skin care "clinic" on behalf of our friend Lori, who has started a business selling Rodan and Fields products. We had a lot of fun with family and friends and learned all about the products she is selling. I think most everyone purchased something from her, and we are excited to see the results on ourselves. To top it off, Lori is graciously donating all proceeds from the party to our adoption cause! Thank you, Lori!

The days following we spent our time spring cleaning the house. We really went through a lot of our possessions and got a good amount of items set aside for our yard sale next month. I think the next step is to start pricing some of the items. It felt really good to lighten our load, so to speak, and get things cleaned up.  I finally got the office / guest room organized and set-up, and I love it! After four years in the house, the curtains are finally up in that room. Now I have a dedicated area for working from home and doing my crafts and sewing. We even have an extra bed for guests if needed (or for me when Chris is snoring too loudly, hee hee). I ended up taking most of Monday off work to help put the final touches on the house to prepare for our home inspection.

Tuesday finally came; the day of our adoption home inspection and final interview! We were so excited to see the caseworkers arrive knowing the interview process was coming to a close. They took a few minutes to interview Nick to basically understand his feelings on the adoption and get to know him a little bit. They then interviewed us about safety in the home (i.e., fire extinguishers, medicine locations, possession of weapons, etc.). Afterward, they toured the home and surrounding property. They seemed satisfied that we are adequately preparing for an infant in the house.

Before they left, we had them take a look at the draft of our adoption portfolio. They provided us some good suggestions, which we'll implement. I think we'll have them take one more look at the portfolio before we print. I'll probably post it online, too, for everyone to see once it is finalized.

So, what's next? In about two weeks, we will meet with the caseworkers to review and sign our home study. At that point, we'll submit our portfolio, and we will officially be "on the market" and available for selection by birth parents. From there, we can get a placement at any time from between two weeks to two years. We are hoping it's more toward the former and closer to six months, but you never know.All in God's timing, right?

The only other thing we have to do, really, is the Core Parenting Class. We will take this in June as it's the earliest they have it again. In the meantime, we'll work on selecting furniture, painting the baby's room, getting all the odds and ends needed for the baby, and saving up the remaining adoption fees. Things have really progressed, and we are so excited to have come this far.

Our Portfolio is in Progress

I finished the first draft of our portfolio tonight. Yea! I think I have all the pictures in place. Chris will need to look at it next and give his input on it. Though I have the lead on the portfolio, Chris has the lead on the "Dear Birthmother" letter. We used the "divide and conquer" philosophy, so to speak. We'll each review and give our voice on the other's project.

I think the portfolio is looking good. Chris and I picked out pictures together. We picked out some pictures from our wedding, family pictures, pictures of us doing our hobbies, and some goofy pictures. I took in a lot of advice from the caseworkers and tried to not overload the pages with too many pictures or make them look too busy. We also wanted to make sure that we showed our "real" selves and have no more than a few poised pictures.

On a sad note, I've been stricken with hearing news about a recent shaken baby case.

Chesterfield police: dad shook severely injured 6-week-old boy

It is so sad to hear news like this as someone who has had the joy of holding a precious child of her own, who has tried for many years to have another, and who is now in the process of adopting a little one. I understand that sometimes a crying baby is the hardest thing to hear. Nick was colicky and cried so much during his first three or four months. Sometimes it seemed that every time I tried to sit down to eat or laid down to sleep, he would have a crying spell that wouldn't stop. It was trying to be honest. I learned, though, that sometimes I had to just put him in his crib, make sure he was safe, walk away for a few minutes, and let him cry. That in itself was hard, but it was the best thing as I knew that he could feel my stress.

I remember seeing commercials about Shaken Baby Syndrome and how they said to tell your baby's caregivers to "Never shake the baby." I always thought that it would be awkward to that tell someone you trust and never thought I would have to say it. But if a father can do something like that to his own baby, anyone can get in a stressful enough situation to shake a baby. I will definitely have that written on any babysitter's instructions and verbally tell them to "never shake a baby."

Please say a quick pray for God to be with all babies who are suffering from Shaken Baby Syndrome and with their parents.

Monday came too fast!

On Saturday, we had our CPR/First Aid/AED class, which we are required to take to adopt. It was a long day in class, but at least it was snowing outside, so I wasn't longing to be outdoors. It was good to take the class too as the last time I was certified was almost 20 years ago, and procedures have changed. For instance, you no longer perform CPR with two people with one doing compressions and the other doing breaths. Now one person performs compressions and breaths for two minutes and then switches out with the other person. We also got to learn how to use an AED, which is pretty cool.

Unfortunately, being in the class all day left us with little time to do anything else. Sunday ended up not working too well either to get stuff done as Chris had to meet with a client, then drive down past Longmont to meet with the Cairn Terrier Club of Denver. Nevertheless, we both got our certification cards and feel a little more prepared to have a new little one in the house.

Third Interview for Adoption

Today was our third, and basically final, interview with the adoption agency. There were a lot of questions centered around how we would parent for different circumstances, such as bad behavior, child not wanting to go to school, play time, how would we pick up on if a child had been abused, would we be willing to take on a child with disabilities, etc. Some of these questions were difficult, and Chris and I talked about them during the past week as we knew the basic questions the case workers would ask. We really were open with each other and prayed for God's direction for these difficult questions. I think we did good and were honest and true to ourselves and how we are as parents. A good amount of questions we already knew the answers too having first hand experience raising Nick.

So, now we have our home inspection on the 26th. During the next 2 1/2 weeks, we'll spend time developing our "Dear Birth Parent" letter and our portfolio; two of the most critical items birth parents will use to get to know us. We'll also use the time to finish cleaning up the property and switching room uses around (i.e., the current dog room will become the baby room). We'll also probably start shopping around for car seats. Once the home study is signed, we could get a call anytime between 2 weeks and 2 years to come to the hospital to get our baby, so we have to be ready! We've also had a couple of people volunteer to let us have their kids' cribs! It's so awesome to have so much support and know people are so excited for us.

For me, it's been a long week being back at work. With the addition of still not sleeping well, I'm more tired than ever. However, my boss has been so supportive and encourages me to work from home if possible. But it's nice to be in the office when I can; I really enjoy working with the people in the office.

First Full Day Back at Work

Today was my first full day back at work. Although I was ready to go back to work, by the time it was 1:30 today, I was ready to go home. I was just tired and my tummy was sore for sitting so long. It was not like working at home where I can just lay back in the recliner when I got sore. I ended up working through lunch and left at 4:00. After a quick stop at the store, it was a frozen Stoffer's meal for the family as I definitely did not feel like cooking. Sorry, fam. After I get back in the groove of work and get more energy, I'll be back to cooking meals.

I also talked to Nick's Grandma Rieger today on the phone. She is excited about our adoption as she has two sons she adopted when they were just babies. See? Adoption is all over in our family! We had such a nice conversation discussing what's going on with our adoption process and her experience with adopting. It's great to know people that I can talk with to get knowledge and words of wisdom of adopting.

Property Clean up is Underway

Chris did a lot of work today getting things cleaned up on the property. He cleaned up the garage and broke down a good amount of cardboard boxes for recycling. He also installed the motion sensor light on the west side of the house. Hopefully this will help keep some of the coyotes away from the yard. Quite often lately, we can hear the farmer across the road firing off his shotgun to scare away the critters. He's got to protect the baby cows that are starting to appear.

I also was a little busy sewing together some cushions for the bench in the living room and making chocolate dipped bananas, chips, and bacon. Yum! I will cook tacos for dinner tonight, then start getting my stuff together for my first full day back to work. I hope that it won't be too much of a challenge, but my tummy will be a little sore. I am looking forward to going back to work and getting back into a routine.

Also, the good news for today is that our adoptionbug.com store is up and running! Adoption Bug helps families trying to adopt by setting up an online store for them, selling adoption-theme t-shirts, and giving the families a portion of the proceeds. If you get a chance, please check out the site. http://www.adoptionbug.com/thegraysadoption/

Sister's Surgery and One of My Ideas

Yesterday I went in to work for a couple of hours in the morning. It was so nice to see everybody, and the visit made me feel very good. So many people came and talked to me and told me I was looking great! Since I really feel great, it made me feel good that other people noticed.

Just before lunch, I left to take my sister to the hospital. She had to have spinal surgery yesterday afternoon. She had herniated disks in her neck and had to have her C5 and C6 fused together. They were running behind schedule, so it was late afternoon by the time they got her in the O.R. Thankfully, everything went so well and they successfully fused the vertebrae together without damage to the spinal cord. I had decided to stay the night in the hospital with her so she wouldn't be alone. I'm glad I stayed as she ended up having nausea and a horrible sinus headache. I did what I could to keep her comfortable until the medicine could take effect. She is home now and feeling so much better, including no pain in her shoulder and arm, which she was having before the surgery. Yea!!!

I've been brainstorming that last few days about other ways to raise more money for the adoption fees, so I've been researching ways to make money at home. One idea I have is to be an independent consultant for jewelry sales. This is along the lines of being a consultant for Mary Kay, Lia Sophia, or Avon. Since I love jewelry so much, I thought it might be a fun way to raise money while consulting at home parties or for catalog sales. I found one company that I'm impressed with, Just Jewelry, and wonder if it is a good option for me. There is, of course, an investment fee for $118 to $199 to pay for supplies and jewelry, but I wonder if I'll be able to make the money back quickly. The things I like about this company are they raise money for nourishment for children in famine stricken areas, breast cancer awareness, and autism awareness and the jewelry is all under $38. I'm still thinking about it and discussing it with Chris. I know God will help us find ways to make this work.

Final Post-Op Appointment

Today I went to my final post-op appointment. Dr. Reeve said everything is healing on track. She said it is normal to expect some tenderness still, so to take it easy as needed. I'm cleared to go back to work full-time; although, to expect to be tired still. I'm also cleared to work out, but she reminded me that I won't start off where I was before surgery. I said, "So I won't be able to lift 100 lbs?... O wait, I wasn't lifting 100 lbs before surgery!" Dr. Reeve busted out laughing.

Tomorrow I will go to work in the morning for a few hours. I will leave just before lunch to take my sister to the hospital for her spine surgery. We are saying prayers that everything goes smoothly for her.

I posted new photographs on our Photos page.

Second Interview Done

Today, we had our second interview with the adoption agency. This one only took about two hours. They asked questions related to where we were raised, what we do as a family, who will take care of our children if something happens to us, etc. The one question that kind of made me chuckle was related to nudity in the house. It kind of took me aback, but I guess it was one of the questions they have to ask.  We have our third interview next Thursday. They will ask us questions related to our philosophies on raising a child and if we would be willing to raise a child with disabilities or health concerns (HIV, fetal alcohol syndrome, drug addictions, etc.).

After our interview, I went to the library and checked out a couple of books on adoption.

• Called to Adoption: A Christian's Guide to Answering the Call by Mardie Caldwell, COAP
• Dear Birthmother by Kathleen Silber and Sphilis Speedlin

I know there will be unique challenges to raising an adopted child, so I'd like to educate myself as much as possible. Of course, every child will be unique, but I feel it helps if I try to prepare myself however I can.

National Adoption Foundation Grant

Today I submitted an application for a grant for the National Adoption Foundation. We should know mid-April whether or not we qualified for a grant. Their grants range from $500 to $2,000. Even if we got the lowest amount, it will be a huge help!

Adoption Bug Information Submitted

I submitted our information to Adoption Bug today. Adoption Bug helps families who are adopting to raise money by giving them a portion of proceeds from adoption t-shirt sales. Their website is here: Adoption Bug. It takes about two weeks for everything to get posted. Once our information is posted, I'll provide the link in case anyone is interested in purchasing a t-shirt.

Wedding Dress on Sale

Today, I listed my wedding dress on ebay to help us pay for the adoption. I had always intended to sell in, it just happened that it finally worked out and for a good purpose. Here is the link: Maggie Sottero Wedding Dress. Please pass this on to anyone and everyone to help us fund our adoption.

Thank you!

Our First Interview

Today, we had our first interview with the adoption agency. They talked to both me and Chris for a few minutes to explain the process, then separated us to talk to each of us individually. Since Chris had to be to the hospital for work by 3:00 p.m., Chris went first. During each of our interviews, they discussed and asked us questions about our first questionnaire we had completed last week. While they interviewed Chris, I sat in their conference room and completed the second questionnaire (Chris did the same while I was being interviewed).

The questions consist mostly of our background (how we met, life growing up, our work history, etc.). Some of the questions got pretty personal, but I think we took them all in stride knowing what the end result is. We have three more interviews until our home study is done. The second interview is next week on Wednesday. The second and third will be their office, then the fourth will be at our house.

We've took care of most of our paperwork including the background check, fingerprints, affidavits, etc. We have our first aid / CPR class in two weeks, and we have to schedule our CORE class.